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TTtK 


DARK   SEANCE, 


FARCE, 


Two    ACTS. 


By   LAKK. 


Entered  according  to  Act    of  Congress,  in  the  year  1872,  by   H. 
Knight,  in  the  C'lcrkV  Office  of  the  District  Court  of  the 
State  oi  California. 


SAN     FRANCISCO: 

1872. 


THIS 


DARK   SEANCE, 


O  E, 


IN 


Two    ACTS, 


.r  LAKE- 
If 


Entered  according  to  Act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  1872,  by  H.  L.  Knight,  in  the 
Clerk's  Office,  of  the  District  Court  of  the  State  of  California. 


SAN    FRANCISCO, 

1872. 


THE  DARK  SEANCE. 


DRAMATIC  PERSONS. 

SQUIRE  FOOZLE A  fat  credulous  old  gentleman. 

MRS.  FOOZLE His  wife,  a  little  incredulous. 

Miss  LUCY Susceptible  young  lady. 

MR.  OBTUSE A  tall,  stiff  old  gentleman. 

MRS.  SHARP A  quick  but  weak-minded  lady. 

AUGUSTUS  DAPPER Susceptible  and  mediumistic. 

MRS.  FELICIANA  FANTASIA  ARAMINTHE  SMITH The  Medium. 


ACT  I.    SCENE  1. 

Mr.  Foozle's  sitting  room.  Mrs.  and  Miss  Foozle  sewing.  Enter  Mr. 
Foozle,  in  a  fussy  perspiration.  Takes  out  Us  handkerchief,  ties  it  round 
his  eyes,  picks  up  a  book  and  holds  it  as  if  reading. 

MBS.  FOOZLE.  Lucy,  my  love!  look  at  your  dear  father.  What  is  the  matter 
with  him  ?  Is  he  crazy,  or  going  to  play  at  blind  with  us  ?  Mr.  Foozle ! 
What  are  you  about  ?  Take  off  that  bandage  and  don't  be  a  fool,  pretending 
to  read  with  your  eyes  tied  up. 

LUCY  FOOZLE.    (Laughing.)  Oh,  pa !  what  is  the  matter?  Are  you  going  to 
catch  us?    (Beginning  to  more  the  chairs.)    Oh,  criminy,  what  fun!  I  never 
saw  you  do  that  before ;    but  I '  m  ready.    Come  on.    Stir  round,  ma,  and 
don't  let  him  catch  us.    Lah,  what  is  it  ?  What '  s  the  matter  ? 
(As  Foozle  takes  ofl  the  bandage  very  solemnly.) 

FOOZLE.  (Laying  down  the  bandage  and  the  book,  and  looking  round.) 
No.  It  won't  work  yet.  I  am  not  sufficiently  developed.  That 's  what 's  the 
matter.  And  these  prattling  women  break  up  the  influence.  But  I  shall  have 
it.  The  spirits  have  pronounced  me  a  clairvoyant-medium,  and  the  gift  will 
Come,  will  come ;  that 's  all.  I'm  going  to  be  a  great  benefactor ;  look  into 
people's  stomachs,  hearts,  liver,  brain,  and  tell  what's  the  matter  with  them. 
I'm  going  to  be  the  greatest  doctor  of  the  age.  Dr.  Foozle!  Magic  cures  ! 
Look  through  all  nature!  The  blind  see,  the  lame  run,  the  dead  arise! 

MBS.  FOOZLE.  Dear  John,  what  is  the  matter  ?  Don't  go  on  so!  Do  talk 
like  a  Christian,  that's  a  dear;  and  don't  frighten  us  out  of  our  senses! 

LUCY.     Oh  yes,  pa  ;  tell  us  what  its  all  about! 


FOO/LE.  I'm  not  a  Christian.  Don't  talk  to  me  about  being  a  Christian  any 
more.  I  have  no  patience  with  such  low  earthly  stuff'.  I  'm  celestial.  I  am 
going  to  have  the  wisdom  of  other  spheres  now.  I  am  no  longer  of  the  earth, 
earthy;  but  a  magnetic  soul,  capable  of  insight  into  the  hidden  secrets  of  the 
spirit-world.  I  have  been  to  the  lecture  and  seance  of  the  distinguished  test- 
medium,  Madame  Feliciana  Fantasia  Araminthe  Smith.  Go  away  from  me! 
Don't  touch  me!  you  are  not  developed!  I'm  full  of  apirit-  influence,  and 
you  will  let  it  all  off!  Go  away  !  Go  away!  (During  this  time  they  keep 
following  him,  touching  him  with  their  hands,  elbows,  heads,  &c.,  and 
every  time  he  starts  and  jumps,  as  if  electrified.)  Go  away  !  Go  away  • 
You'll  let  off  the  spiritual  essence  !  I  shall  have  to  be  charged  over  again  ! 
(At  last  they  come  to  quiet,  and  he,  out  of  breath,  goes  on  to  say):  The 
fact  is,  I  'm  a  new  man.  I  've  been  to  the  lecture,  and  heard  the  delightful 
heaven-born  trance-medium,  Madame  Feliciana  Fantasia  Araminthe  Smith. 
I  am  in  rapport  with  the  angels.  I  love  all  mankind,  and  all  womankind ! 
We  are  all  going  to  the  summerland  !  No  more  hell !  Oh,  my  darlings  !  no 
more  hell !  What  a  blessed  comfort !  We  shall  meet  in  spirit-land, 
nothing  to  trouble  but  our  own  consciences.  Oh,  wo'nt  that  be  jolly  ! 
Mine  would'nt  hurt  a  lamb!  Its  all  right,  all  right ! 

MRS.  FOOZLE.  Dear  John,  do  tell  us  what  you  mean!  Be  quiet,  now, 
and  just  tell  us  where  you  have  been  and  what  you  have  done! 

FOOZLE.  Well,  let  me  collect  myself!  Oh  yes,  here  I  am,  all  right  athome. 
This  is  Mrs.  Foozle,  and  this  is  Lucy,  and  this  is  our  sitting-room.  Well,  I 
believe  you  have  driven  the  influence  away  by  your  cuffing  and  elbowing, 
and  I  may  as  well  tell  you  what  is  up. 

This  Mrs.  F.  F.  A.  Smith,  the  lecturess,  is  the  most  ethereal,  spiritual,  trans- 
cendental creature  in  God's  creation.  No,  I  think  she  said  God  didn't  create 
her;  she  was  an  emanation  from  the  Pscychic  Zone.  Well,  no  matter  about 
that,  its  somewhere  down  in  Rochester.  This  delightful  angelic  spiritual  es- 
sence is  coming  here  to-morrow,  under  my  own  roof,  at  my  own  fireside,  as  it 
were,  to  transport  me  to  the  land  of  spirits;  and  to  exhibit  to  my  wondering 
and  affectionate  family,  how  completely  the  spirits  have  taken  charge  of  me. 
She  will  be  here  to-morrow  at  two  o'clock,  with  a  few  select  friends,  and  ten 
thousand  ministering  angels,  and  now  let  us  arrange  our  part  to  meet  them. 

LUCY.  Pa!  did  you  say  ten  thousand  angels  ?  Where  shall  we  put  them  ? 
How  shall  we  find  room  for  them  ? 

FOOZLE.  For  the  angels!  Oh,  you  silly  goose,  they  will  take  up  no  room, 
need  no  chairs,  nothing  to  sit  upon.  You  can't  even  see  tliem.  Only  the 
highly  magnetized,  pscychic,  odic,  and  divine  Feliciana  can  see  and  converse 
with  them  at  present.  But  I  am  a  medium,  and  shall  shortly  see  them. 
And  my  dear  wife  and  daughter,  perhaps,  through  this  transcendental  me- 
dium, may  yet  be  brought  to  see  visions  of  angels.  •  Yes!  to  be  kept  awake 
all  night  by  apparitions  and  influences,  till  they  have  lost  all  common  sense, 
and  know  nothing  but  what  comes  to  them,  as  it  were,  in  a  dream.  We  have 
6nly  to  prepare  for  the  lady  and  a  gentleman  friend  who  accompanies  her. 
Only  this,  and  to  invite  a  few  dear  confidential  friends  to  witness  her  par- 
tiality, and  our  good  fortune.  Now,  wife,  see  about  it  in  time.  And  whom 
shall  we  invite  ?  They  must  be  confidential,  highly  intellectual  and  spiritual 
souls,  if  possible.  Who  shall  they  be  ? 


MKS.  FOOZLE.  I  should  like  to  have  my  friend,  Mrs.  Sharp;  she  is  such 
a  nice  woman  for  a  small  party,  and  so  shrewd  and  sensible.  And  she  will 
take  it  so  kindly  too.  I  shall  say,  "relying  on  her  judgment  to  detect  impo- 
sition if  there  be  any,"  and  that  will  captivate  her  entirely.  She  will 
sharpen  her  wits,  I  assure  you.  Then  there  is  your  old  friend  Obtuse;  so 
sedate,  so  logical,  so  dignified.  Nobody  could  think  of  any  tricks  in  his 
presence.  Let  us  have  these  two! 

FOOZLE.  Wife!  you  have  selected  very  good  people.  My  friend  Obtuse 
is  a  philosopher.  He  has  read  Horace  Greeley  on  farming,  Darwin's  theory, 
and  Doctor  Adam  Clarke's  Commentaries,  and  is  withal  very  conservative 
and  whimsy.  His  last  essay,  on  the  Correlation  of  Dynamic  Forces,  is  very 
deep,  very  deep.  He  proves  that  a  log  put  on  the  fire  will  give  out  just  as 
much  heat  as  all  the  sunshine  it  ever  absorbed .  I  never  could  understand  it ; 
but  sunshine  or  moonshine,  it  was  a  great  work.  Several  newspapers  pro- 
nounced it  utterly  incomprehensible.  Yes!  we  will  have  him!  And  Mrs. 
Sharp,  yes,  Mrs.  Sharp.  She  is  so  keen;  but  then  we  want  this  thing 
tested  before  the  best  minds  in  the  country.  Let  that  be  our  party! 

LUCY.  Pa!  is  this  lady  a  grand  lady?  Will  she  like  something  good  to 
eat  or  drink  ?  Is  she  proud  and  airy,  or  may  I  speak  to  her? 

FOOZLE.  She  is  like  a  child  or  an  angel.  She  is  a  thing  of  spirit,  a  spir- 
itual essence!  She  might  sip  a  little  wine,  perhaps,  or  pick  a  chicken  bone, 
or  a  slice  of  delicate  cake;  but  she  feeds  mostly  on  heavenly  manna.  She 
will  speak  to  you  by  the  hour,  and  youjmay  to  her.  Don't  be  afraid,  my 
child.  She  is  one  of  those  pure  beings  that  stand  between  mortals  and 
angels. 

Exit  omnes. 


ACT  I.    SCENE  II. 

Squire  Foozle's  Parlor.  Tlie  family  in  waiting.  Enter  Mrs.  Sharp, 
wett  dressed,  good  manners,  affected  and  showy. 

MRS.  SHAEP.  Good  day!  I  hope  I  am  not  late;  but  I  was  so  long  before  I 
could  get  rid  of  Mr.  Sharp,  I  was  afraid  I  could  not  come  at  all.  I  didn't 
want  to  dress  till  he  was  gone,  he  would  have  pestered  me"  so  with  ques- 
tions. Has  the  lady,  what  do  you  call  her,  come? 

MRS.  FOOZLE.  Not  yet.  I  am  so  glad  to  see  you  in  time.  I  want  your 
opinion  of  all  that  goes  on.  Keep  your  eyes  open.  Some  of  the  neighbors 
say  she  is  either  an  angel  or  a  devil,  they  don't  know  which;  but  I  think  you 
can  find  out.  What  is  her  name,  John  ? 

FOOZLE.  Mrs.  Feliciana  Fantasia  Araminthe  Smith,  a  lovely  name!  Angels 
watched  over  her  birth,  and  in  prompting  her  mother  to  bestow  upon  her 
so  celestial  an  appellation,  foreshadowed  her  future  life.  Else  why  wasn't 
her  name  Mary  Smith,  or  Ann  Smith,  or  Jenny  Smith  ?  You  will  be  de- 
lighted with  her,  Mrs.  Sharp !  She  is  all  spiritual !  Nothing  of  this  world  about 
her.  Take  this  chair  !  Ah,  Lucy,  open  the  door  for  Mr.  Obtuse  ! 

OBTUSE.  (Entering)  Good  afternoon  !  Good  afternoon  !  (very  slow  and 
pompous.)  I  rejoice  to  see  that  I  am  in  good  time.  This  distinguished  lady 
Is  not  before  me.  I  shall  be  here  to  do  her  honor.  Mr.  Foozle,  your  ser- 


vant!  Ah!  Mrs.  Sharp,  I  did  not  see  you.  How  do  you  do?  Mrs. 
Foozle,  at  your  service.  Miss  Lucy!  your  humble  admirer  !  Nay  !  I  must 
have  one  !  (kissing  her.)  The  privileges  of  old  age  are  not  to  be  evaded  in 
that  way.  That  is  a  tax  you  pay  for  having  elderly  acquaintances.  Mr. 
Foozle!  she  will  soon  run  away  from  you.  When  the  grab  has  wings,  it 
will  fly,  &c.,  &c.  I  need  not  tell  you  the  rest.  She  has  not  been  selected 
yet ;  but  Darwin's  theory  will  lose  ground  with  me,  if  she  is  overlooked  much 
longer.  Common  sense  might  teach  us  that. 

MR.  FOO/LE.  Common  sense  is  falling  into  disrepute,  sir,  very  much  into 
disrepute,  now-a-days.  Some  people  are  discarding  it  altogether.  It  may 
Jo  among  beggars,  sir,  among  beggars,  but,  people  of  fashion,  and  style, 
and  influence  have  risen  to  something  higher  than  that.  Common  sense 
is  hardly  respectable  any  more.  It  was  but  the  other  day  I  heard  that  a 
mere  newspaper-man  had  advertised  for  a  writer,  and  made  it  a  condition 
that  he  should  have  uncommon  sense.  This  is  the  touch  now.  aud  we  are 
getting  further  from  common  sense  every  day.  I  myself  think  of  having 
no  more  to  do  with  it.  I  have  embarked  in  a  new  line;  and  intend  to  sail  my 
ship  without  it.  Common  sense,  indeed!  everybody  can  have  that.  I  want 
something  unique,  something  from  a  higher  sphere  ;  and^  here  it  comes- 
My  Dear  Madame!  Allow  me!  (Enter  Mrs.  F.  F.  A.  Smith.)  Yes,  take 
this  cushioned  rocking-chair.  Another  pillow,  Lucy  ?  There,  that  looks 
quite  comfortable ! 

LUCY.  (Aside.)  My  beau  of  tln|pic-nic,  I  declare!  I  must  not  know 
him  !  Will  he  be  equally  guarded  !  (Enter,  behind  the  medium,  Augustus 
Dapper.)  The  medium  settles  herself  in  her  chair,  and  then,  without 
rising,  superciliously  introduces  Mr.  Dapper.) 

DAPPER  (aside.)    My  charming  partner  in  the  dance!  Oh  what  happiness. 

MEDIUM.  Mr.  Foozle,  Mr.  Dapper  !  A  young  friend  of  mine,  who,  I  as- 
sure you,  has  mediumistic  powers  of  a  very  high  order.  You  will  be  pleased 
to  know  him.  He  is  destined  for  something  extraordinary.  The  spirits 
naturally  love  Mr.  Dapper.  I  know  of  no  mortal  so  sensitive  to  their  influ- 
ence. He  is  a  perfect  spirit-conductor.  I  have  him  under  control  in  a 
moment.  And  he  is  such  an  innocent !  Bless  you  !  A  little  child  might 
lead  him  with  a  string.  Please  introduce  him  to  your  friends.  He  is  in- 
dispensable in  my  circles.  Dapper,  kneel  down!  There!  There  !  (closing 
his  eyes  with  her  fingers,  and  tightening  them  down.)  There  !  There  ! 
Now  you  can't  open  them  !  You  can't!  You  can't!  (Dapper  pretends  to  try, 
but,  seemingly,  can't  do  it.)  Oh,  you  dear ;  bow  completly  I  have  you 
in  my  power!  Why,  if  I  were  to  tell  him  now,  he  would  jump  right  up  the 
chimney,  wouldn't  you,  Dapper?  Say  you  would,  qnick! 

DAPPER.  (Seemingly  under  influence.)  Yes!  Yes!  Yes!  (She  makes  a 
flourish  with  her  hands  before  his  eyes.) 

MEDIUM.  All  right  Dapper!  (He  opens  his  eyes  audjstares  round.)  All 
right!  Now,  Mr.  Foozle,  please  introduce  Dapper  to  your  friends.  The 
dear  creature!  I  feel  as  though  he  were  my  child,  and  he  is,  in  the  spirit,  so 
perfectly  obedient! 

FOOZLE.  Mr.  Dapper,  my  friend  Mrs.  Sharp ;  Mr.  Obtuse,  Mr.  Dapper  ; 
Lucy,  my  love,  Mr.  Dapper;  Mr.  Dapper,  Mrs.  Foozle.  Let  us  become  ac- 


quainted  at  once,  and  proceed  with  the  more  important  business  of  our 
meeting. 

OBTUSB.  Young  man,  your  nerves  must  be  all  telegraph  wire!  You  are  a 
phenomenon!  Neither  Darwin  nor  Doctor  Adam  Clarke  ever  dreamed  of 
such  as  this.  What  a  selection!  These  mediums  have  indeed  great  power 
and  discrimination!  Here  is  a  study  for  all  the  philosophers  combined,  from 
Aristotle  to  Hippocrates .  With  such  opportunities,  who  knows  but  I  may 
go  beyond  Darwin,  and  trace  the  origin  of  man  to  a  snail  or  a  caterpillar! 
Common  sense  ridicules  such  notions!  But  who  cares  for  common  sense!  As 
Foozle  says,  it  is  low,  vulgar, — and  genteel  people  are  discarding  it! 
He  is  the  most  profound  philosopher  who  gets  the  furthest  away  from  it. 

MBS.  FOOZLE.  (Looking  at  Dapper.)  Laws,  Sir!  You  do  act  funny! 
Could 'nt  you  open  your  eyes?  Really  now!  Well,  T  declare,  we  have  to  live 
and  learn,  live  and  learn!  (Aside,  looking  at  the  medium.)  Though,  to  be 
sure,  I  don't  see  anything  very  wonderful  or  spiritual  about  the  medium- 
lady.  She  is  a  little  airy,  but  weighs  at  least  a  hundred  and  eighty.  I 
don't  want  her  to  close  Foozle's  eyes,  like  she  does  this  young  Dapper's,  I 
can  assure  her. 

MRS.  SHAKP.  Oh,  Mr.  Dapper,  you  are  very  cute!  I  declare,  that's  won- 
derful. I  have  my  suspicions  of  you!  Mind,  I'm  here  to  see,  and  I  mean  to 
keep  my  eyes  open.  It  will  take  something  more  than  a  female  medium,  I 
can  tell  you,  to  influence  me  in  that  way. 

MK.  FOOZLE.  Come,  let  us  proceed,  if  you  please!  Be  pleased,  Madam,  to 
tell  us  what  is  necessary  and  let  us  form  the  circle.  I  am  anxious  to  see 
these  wonders  under  my  own  roof  !  I  am  proud  to  have  you  round  my 
own  hearthstone!  (Dapper  toys  with  Miss  Foozle.) 

MEDIUM.  There  is  nothing  but  to  place  that  table  in  the  centre  of  the 
room,  and  to  sit  round  till  the  Spirits  descend  among  us.  The  dear  an- 
gelic creatures  are  but  too  eager  to  communicate  with  their  mortal  friends, 
when  they  can  find  the  proper  channel.  And  I  am  never  so  happy  as  when 
affording  them  the  opportunity.  Though  it  is  very  trying  to  one's  nerves, 
making  a  galvanic  battery  of  your  poor  nervous  system,  that  the  angels 
may  speak  to  their  friends.  It  is  very  exhausting;  and  unfits  one  for  any 
other  duties  in  life.  But  then  they  help  us,  the  spirits  help  us,  in  return 
for  helping  them.  If  it  were  not  for  that,  I  think  I  should  sink  under  it. 
I  live  with  them  and  by  them  almost  entirely.  I  seem  a  stranger  on 
earth,  and  earth-beings  appear  only  as  poor  creatures  that  I  have  to  help. 
(The  table  has  been  set.)  Now  let  us  all  retire  from  the  room  and  come 
in,  one  by  one,  with  an  interval  of  one  minute,  each  sitting  at  the  table  as 
they  please.  (Exit  all.)  (Re-enter  medium.) 

MEDIUM.  (Solo.)  I  think  I  have  got  a  good  thing  here,  Foozle  is  rich 
and  easy  to  mould.  Nice  house !  Good  estate  1  But  how  shall  I  keep 
up  the  farce,  or  how  excuse  the  failure  !  Dapper  is  all  my  dependence  ! 
This  minute  is  all  I  have  to  school  him  !  I  can  only  ask  the  fates  to  be 
auspicious,  and  run  the  risk  !  Ah  !  Here's  Dapper  !  (Enter  Dapper.  The 
medium  kisses  him  with  maudlin  affection.  He  seems  indifferent.)  Dap- 
per, will  you  help  me  now  in  real  earnest?  We  have  a  good  thing  here,  if 
we  succeed,  and  as  long  as  we  keep  it  up.  Will  you  help  me? 

DAPPER.    You  a  medimn,  and  want  help !    Well,  I  don't  mind  if  I  do  ! 


8 

But  you  must  help  me,  too !  These  are  my  terms :  You  help  me !  I  help 
you.  I  want  to  sit  by  Lucy  Foozle  at  the  table!  You  contrive  that.  Let  it 
come  from  the  spirits;  and  the  devil  may  do  the  rest  for  me.  While  you  do 
that,  I  am  all  right.  If  you  drop,  so  do  I.  Is  it  a  bargain  ? 

MEDIUM.  You  dear  Dapper!  (looking  amorously  at  him.)  I  will  please 
you  even  in  this  ;  you  may  oount  on  my  influence  in  that  quarter.  You 
oblige  me  to  this,  you  wilful  truant !  Let  us  sit  down  !  (They  sit  at  the  table, 
covering  their  faces.)  Enter  Foozle,  Obtuse,  Mrs.  Sharp,  Lucy  and  Mrs. 
Foozle,  and  sit  at  the  table;  soon  all  look  up,  and  the  circle  begins. 

MEDIUM.  You  will  please  join  hands  on  the  table,  fix  your  eyes  on  some- 
thing in  the  centre,  and  remain  silent.  (Profound  silence.  Suddenly  a  sharp 
knock  is  heard  in  the  centre  of  the  table.  All  start.  Medium  expresses  con- 
fidence. Foozle  is  in  a  trepidation  of  wonder.  Mrs.  Foozle  is  really  alarmed. 
Lucy  expresses  surprise  and  inclination  to  laugh.  Mrs.  Sharp  suddenly 
looks  all  about  very  quick.  Obtuse  ditto,  very  slow.)  There!  they  are 
coming !  Very  satisfactory  !  Very  satisfactory,  indeed !  Now  for  your  ques- 
tions. This  is  a  very  strong  influence.  This  is  quite  a  success,  I  assure  you. 
Ask  what  you  please. 

FOOZLE.  Ask  him  his  name  !  Ask  him  his  name  !  He  must  be  a  man  to 
make  such  a  bold  knock ! 

MEDIUM.  Mr.  Foozle,  don't  you  pretend  to  dictate  to  the  spirits  !  In  the 
spirit- world  women  are  women,  and  have  their  rights,  and  speak  out  just 
as  loudly  as  men  !  This  may  be  a  female.  Their  spirits  are  sometimes  as 
positive  as  the  males.  Ask  some  question  ! 

MRS.  SHARP.    Is  this  spirit  that  knocks  a  male  or  a  female  ? 

MEDIUM.  "Will  the  spirit  answer  the  question  ?  If  so,  rap  three  times  ! 
If  not,  rap  once.  (They  all  listen.  There  is  some  little  creak  or  noise,  but 
indistinct,  and  of  no  number.  Ditto  repeatedly;  They  listen  intently  for  a 
while.  Ditto  repeatedly.  The  audience  see  Dapper  make  it.) 

MEDIUM.  What  do  you  make  out,  Mr.  Foozle?  The  sound  comes  from  near 
you,  is  it  one  or  three  ? 

FOOZLE.  I  can't  make  out  with  certainty.  The  raps  are  faint  and  scat- 
tered. They  are  very  wonderful,  but  faint  and  scattered. 

DAPPEK.  You  did  not  make  them,  Mr.  Foozle,  did  you  ?  They  seemed 
to  me  to  be  near  you.  None  of  your  tricks,  now,  sir  ?  Let  us  have  real 
earnest. 

MRS.  SHARP.  Yes,  Foozle,  own  up,  if  yon  did !  I  thought  the  creak  was 
near  you  !  Was  it  you,  now,  on  your  honor  ? 

FOOZLE.  I  protest !  I  never  was  more  serious  in  my  life  !  I  didn't  do  any" 
thing!  I  am  astonished  beyond  measure  that  it  should  come  near 
me! 

OBTUSE.  Foozle,  my  dear  Sir,  yon  are  the  instrument  of  a  great  demon- 
stration, or  you  are  a  great  cheat.  The  raps,  indistinct  though  they  were, 
and  wonderful  in  the  highest  degree,  seemed  to  me  to  come  from  under  your 
fingers  sometimes.  What  would  the  great  Hippocrates  have  given  to  see 
this,  day  !  What  will  the  great  Darwin  say  to  these  phenomena !  Here  is 
a  selection,  indeed,  that  would  puzzle  them  all.  The  angels  select  my 
friend  Foozle,  commonly  called  Fat  Foozle,  as  their  means  of  intercourse 
with  this  mundane  sphere-  Foozle,  you  are  immortalized  !  Selected  as  a 


Ihining  light  1  Your  fortune  is  made  !  I  congratulate  you !  Foozle,  I  con* 
gratulate  you !  (Silence  for  more  raps.1  Raps  indistinct  and  scattering  as 
before.) 

MEDIUM.  This-influence  does  not  suit  me !  It  is  too  faint !  I  want  some- 
thing more  marked  and  decisive.  A  new  circle  sometimes  does  not  get  a 
good  influence.  We  do  not  sit  right,  maybe.  I  will  ask  the  spirits.  Is  the 
circle  rightly  formed?  Are  we  sitting  at  the  table  in  the  right  order? 
(Sharp  loud  raps  as  before.)  All  jump  up  with  a  start,  and  examine  as  be- 
fore.) Don't  be  alarmed!  You  see  why  the  raps  were  indistinct. 
We  are  not  sitting  right.  Will  the  spirits  assist  us  to  arrange 
the  circle?  (Loud  rap  as  before.)  All  start  again,  looking  more  cutely  than 
before.)  The  medium,  by  questions  asked,  and  numbering  the  sitters,  ar- 
ranges the  circle,  with  Dapper  between  Lucy  and  Mrs.  Sharp.  Mrs.  Sharp 
flirts  with  Dapper,  Dapper  with  Lucy,  very  energetically,  and  makes  the 
raps  on  different  parts  of  the  table,) 

The  medium  asks  the  questions,  and  all  attend  to  the  top  of  the  table, 
While  Dapper  raps  with  his  toe  in  answer,  sometimes  here  and  sometimes 
there.  The  answers  declare  Mr.  Foozle  a  strong  clairvoyant  and  healing 
medium.  Miss  Lucy  Foozle,  a  spirit-medium  for  celestial  purposes.  Mrs. 
Sharp  a  test-medium,  and  Mr.  Dapper,  a  highly  magnetized. 

MEDIUM.  That  is  quite  a  success,  I  declare !  Oh,  I  feel  quite  overcome  ! 
Let  (Dapper  makes  motions  to  her  to  have  them  close  their  eyes)  us  try 
one  moment  with  closed  eyes,  and  then  we  will  adjourn  till  evening !  (They 
close  their  eyes,  Dapper  and  Lucy  embrace  with  the  one  hand,  and  kiss.) 
Soon  all  rise  from  the  table— medium  assumes  the  rocking-chair,  and  affects 
great  exhaustion.) 

FOOZLE.  A  very  good  beginning,  a  very  good!  I'm  told,  it  takes  time  to 
work  these  things  up.  Every  sitting  is  more  perfect!  Who  knows  what 
sublime  perfection  we  may  reach !  I  feel  quite  ethereal  already.  I  know 
the  spirits  have  something  good  in  store  for  me. 

OBTUSE.  It^is  wonderful,  truly  wonderful !  I  scout  the  idea  of  delusion ! 
I  saw  every  motion  !  And  I  heard  the  little  spirits  all  the  time !  With 
Mrs.  Sharp  and  myself,  you  are  safe  from  imposture  !  Yon  made  a  good 
selection !  Darwin  could  not  have  done  better !  And  how  would  Doctor 
Clarke  comment  on  snch  scenes  as  these  !  How  would  he  comment  on  them, 
1  say  ?  Every  word  of  comment  would  have  been  worth  its  weight  in  gold , 
on  such  a  subject !  Oh,  that  the  Doctor  had  lived  to  see  this  day ! 

FOOZLE.  Let  us  now  adjourn  to  tea,  and,  after  that,  we  will  go  on  with 
onr  development. 

MEDIUM.  Yes !  I  think  we  may  now  proceed  with  the  dark  seance.  The 
dark  seanoe  is  the  perfection  of  angelic  opportunity.  The  mundane  sphere 
shut  out,  as  it  were,  the  celestial  planes  open  co  our  view  with  such  vivid 
reality  that  we  seem  to  be  there.  Even  light,  transient  and  unsubstantial 
as  it  is,  is  too  gross  for  spirit-commingling.  When  all  the  circle  have  felt 
the  influence,  the  dark  seance  is  permitted  to  them,  not  till  then.  Do  I  hear 
you  all  say  that  you  felt  the  influence?  Otherwise,  you  mnst  be  excluded 
from  the  dark  seance.  Positively,  I  dare  not  permit  those  who  have  no  spirit 
magnetism  to  sit  in  the  dark  circle.  I  must,  therefore,  ask  each  one  of  you 
to  examine  yourselves  thoroughly,  and  if  you  say  no,  we  shall  be  obliged  to 


10 

hold  the  circle  without  you.    This  rule  is  inexorable.    Mr.  Foozle,  what 
say  you  ?    But  I  know  already. 

FOOZLE.  Oh,  yes  I  am  all  right.  I  consider  the  suspicion  that  I  made 
those  raps  as  proof  conclusive  that  I  was  under  a  high  influence.  And  I 
feel  it !  I  feel  it !  My  bones  ache  now ! 

MEDIUM.    Mr.  Obtuse,  I  hope  you  may  sit  with  us.    What  say  you  ? 

OBTUSE.  1  have  to  confess  to  feeling  very  singular.  And  as  my  friend 
Foozle  says,  my  bones  ache  so  I  could  scarcely  rise  from  the  chair.  (He 
has  rheumatism.)  I  think  Darwin,  I  think  Doctor  Adam  Clarke,  I  think 
Hippocrates  himself,  would  admit  that  I  was  under  some  influence  or 
other! 

MEDIUM,  Oh  what  a  success!  I  have  never  met  with  so  complete  a  cir- 
cle. The  angels  will  surely  bless  us  all !  Mrs.  Sharp,  how  is  it  with  you  ? 
Can  you  sit  with  us  again  ? 

MBS.  SHAEP.  If  Mr.  Obtuse  caught  a  spirit,  or  if  they  lit  on  him,  or 
came  near  him,  they  would  never  slight  me  to  leave  me  out,  not  they.  If 
there  was  any  influence  going,  I  '11  warrant  I  had  my  share  of  it. 

MEDIUM.  Dear  Mrs.  Foozle,  I  can  speak  for  you.  I  have  seldom  seen 
anybody  so  much  affected.  You  seemed  to  me  to  dilate,  under  the  influence, 
into  an  angel  of  mercy.  Your  great  benevolent  heart  seemed  to  fill  the 
whole  chamber.  What  says  Miss  Lucy  ?  Come  here,  darling,  (kissing  her.) 
I  'm  sure  you  felt  an  influence.  I  saw  a  thousand  sweet  angels  and  cupids 
hovering  round  your  head.  They  have  something  angelic  laid  up  for  you. 
I  cannot  see  clearly  what  it  is;  but  it  is  something  high  and  grand.  Per- 
haps above  my  present  conception.  I  am  but  a  mundane  creature  after  all! 
And  Mr.  Dapper,  why  Dapper  is  the  conductor,  the  half-way  house  from  me 
to  you,  handing  down  the  divine  essence,  as  it  were,  even  as  a  bird  feeds  its 
young  ones.  Such  as  Dapper  are  a  blessing  to  all  mankind.  The  suscepti- 
ble creature!  The  dear  obedient  innocent !  All  his  motions  are  directed  by 
the  angels,  just  as  soon  as  he  joins  a  circle!  He  is  perfectly  obedient  to  their 
wishes!  He  is  rot  himself  at  all!  If  ever  Dapper  gets  a  wife  the  angels  will 
direct  him  to  her!  But  never  mind,  Dappy,  they  can  influence  her  to  love 
you  too,  whoever  she  may  be.  And  they  will.  After  tea  then  we  will 
have  the  dark  circle. 

Exit  omnes. 


ACT  II.  SCENE  I. 

(Foozle's parlor,  well  lighted.  Present  all.  Themediumin  the  rocking- 
chair,  with  two  or  three  pillows,  looking  quite  cheerful,  and  ready  for  ac- 
tion. The  table  in  the  centre.) 

.    FOOZLE.    I  'm  on  pins  to  begin  again.    Let  us  to  it  at  once,  as  the  fellow 
says  in  the  play.    What  say  you,  Madame?  Have  we  rested  enough  ? 

MEDIUM,  A  little  time  is  necessary,  after  contact  with  such  earthly 
tenements  as  chicken  and  cake.  A  little  wine  helps  to  soothe  the  nerves, 
and  the  Doctors  have  recommended  it  to  me,  Imean  the  spirit  Doctors,  to 
enable  me  to  bear  up  against  the  nervous  exhaustion.  (They  give  her  a 
bumper,  which  she  drinks.)  There,  the  least  taste  is  enough  !  It  is  homoa 


s» 


pathic  in  its  effect  on  spiritual  natures.  Well,  we  might  as  well  ptoceed: 
take  your  seats  as  before,  just  as  the  spirits  directed.  It  is  indispensable. 
(They  all  sit  at  the  table  in  the  same  order.  A  round  table  vacant  towards 
the  audience.  Dapper  and  Lucy  are  at  the  front,  near  the  audience.  The 
table  is  large,  giving  plenty  of  room.  The  medium  faces  the  audience . 
Next  to  her  are  Foozle  and  Obtuse.  Next  to  Obtuse,  Mrs.  Foozle  and  then 
Lucy.  On  the  other  side  of  Dapper  is  Mrs.  Sharp.)  Now  will  Mrs.  Foozle 
put  down  the  lamp.  The  less  light  the  better.  And  if  you  close  your  eyes 
for  a  spell,  till  something  comes,  so  much  tbe  better.  Remember  perfect 
faith  is  a  powerful  means  of  development.  While  doubt  distracts  the  influ- 
ence. Try  to  believe!  (They  sit  blindly  waiting.  Dapper  takes  from  his 
pocket  a  set  of  lady's  curls,  places  them  on  his  forehead,  and  starts  round 
the  circle.  He  lets  the  curls  touch  the  face  of  each  sitter  a  little,  as  he 
bends  over  them.  When  he  comes  to  the  medium,  he  kisses  her  audibly,  so 
with  Mrs.  Foozle.  Lucy  he  kisses  repeatedly,  but  without  noise.  Then  Mrs. 
Sharp,  who  suddenly  starts  up  and  runs  for  the  light,  which  she  turns  up. 
Of  course  Dapper  is  in  his  seat. 

MRS.  SHARP.  Drat  your  Spirits!  I  think  they  are  a  little  bit  too  saucy. 
Well  if  ever!  Who  did  that?  Mr.  Foozle!  Mr.  Dapper  I  Did  either  of 
yon  do  that,  If  I  was  sure  you  did  I  would  leave  this  minute.  I  excuse 
Mr.  Obtuse;  I  don't  think  he  could  get  back  in  time. 

FOOZLE.  Mrs.  Sharp  !  Be  quiet,  and  tell  us  what  happened  to  you; 
you  will  frighten  the  spirits  away  with  your  tantrums.  Pray  be  seated, 
and  tell  us  what  you  saw . 

MEDIUM.  Yes,  sister,  impart  to  us  all  your  sensations.  That  is  what  we 
are  here  to  know.  What  new  manifestation  is  this  ?  What  heavenly  in  ' 
fluence  is  to  fall  on  you.  Let  us  participate  in  your  pleasure  !  Dear  fa- 
vored  sister,  it  makes  me  so  happy  to  find  so  many  receiving  proof  of  spirit 
visitation.  I  felt  a  glorious  influence  go  out  from  me;  and  this  time  Mrs. 
Sharp  is  the  happy  recipient.  Happy!  happy  Mrs.  Sharp!  But  pray 
what  was  it? 

MRS,  SHARP.    Something  touched  my  face.    If  I  thought  it  was  a  mas- 
culine spirit,  I  should  feel  everlastingly  ashamed.    I  don't  allow  no  such 
liberties!    I  think  Mr.   Sharp  would  murder   any  spirit  in  a  minute  if  he  . 
caught  him  at  it. 

MEDIUM.  It  was  gome  spirit-sister  of  yours,  Mrs.  Sharp.  I  saw  it  with 
my  spirit  eyes.  It  came  to  me  and  kissed  me  too.  I  felt  its  curls  upon  my 
brow,  and  even  its  spirit-breath.  f^Bdift  LJbfl 

ALL  BUT  LUCY,    And  I!    And  I!    Just  a  curl  over  my  eyebrows^^ 
MBS.  FOOZLE.    And  I  thought  I  felt  a  soft  kiss,  very  soft,  almost  spiritual 
OBTUSE.    And  Miss  Lucy,  did  this  angel  omit  you?    What  a  selection  if 
it  did!    Darwin  would  never  have  done  that!    Did  it  miss  you,  Lucy  ? 

LUCY.  (Blushing  and  hesitating.)  No!  I  was  not  overlooked!  I  did 
not  feel  the  curls,  but — 

FOOZLE.  What  an  angelic  creature  to  go  around  the  whole  circle!  Be- 
nevolenee  wide  as  the  world!  Oh  what  love  will  spring  from  such  a  com- 
munion. 

MEDIUM.  You  say  right,  Mr.  Foozle;  love  will  abound,  whenever 
spiritualism  becomes  universal.  Spiritualism  is  the  essence  of  love,  and 


12 

love  is  the  quintesssnce  of  spiritualism .  But  lower  the  light,  and  let  us 
get  some  further  manifestation. 

MRS,  SHARP.  Hold  alittlel  I  didn't  come  here  to  be  hoodwinked  and 
bedeviled  by  false  spirits.  Eh,  Mr.  Obtuse,  we  are  here  to  prove  things,  and 
we  are  going  to  do  it:  I  have  a  little  plan  a»  a  test  before  the  light  is  ex- 
tinguished again.  Let  me  have  my  own  way  (his  time. 

MEDIUM.  Oh,  of  conrs*1,  make  any  test  you  please;  the  more  you  try  the 
more  you  will  be  convinced.  Have  your  own  way. 

(Here  Mrs.  Sharp  passes  a  string  round  the  circle,  and  through  some 
button-hole  of  each  person,  tying  the  string,  and  having  the  knot  near  her 
self.  The  light  is  lowered;  Dapper  cuts  his  button-hole,  leaves  his  chair, 
and  does  the  same  again,  omitting  Mrs.  Sharp,  sits  down  replaces  the 
string,  and  pins  the  button-hole,  and  with  his  hands  and  the  curls  touches 
Mrs.  Sharp's  face,  to  imitate  a  face  kissing  her.) 

MRS.  SHARP.  (Jumping  up  and  pulling  at  the  string.)  You  naughty 
wretch!  This  is  some  trick!  I  have  you  now!  (examines  the  string  and 
finds  it  in  every  button-hole,  turns  pale,  and  falls  back  in  her  chair,  hands 
on  her  face,  looking  up.)  I'll  not  be  outdone!  I'll  not  be  abused  in  that  way 
without  satisfaction  !  If  its  angels  I  want  to  know  it;  and  if  its  not  angels 
I'll  find  it  out,  that  I  will  1  Mr.  Obtuse,  I  want  you  to  lend  the  use  of  your 
ddep  penetration  to  fathom  this  mysterey. 

OBTU.SE,  And  you  shall  have  it,  my  dear  Mrs.  Sharp!  you  shall  have  it! 
Your  selection  is  happy  and  discreet.  Darwin  himself  could  not  have  done 
betterl  you  do  me  too  much  honor,  but  I  will  try  to  deserve  it.  I  will,  in- 
deed. But  first  tell  us  what  occurred.  Tell  us  exactly  what  took  place, 
Mrs.  Sharp,  that  we  may  act  with  full  knowledge! 

MBS.  SHARP.  A  face  touched  mine,  lightly,  and  feeling  its  way,  until  it 
reached  my  mouth,  where  it  dwelt  an  iustant.  I  knew  what  was  coming  as 
before,  and  jumped  and  screamed.  I  don't  suppose  Sharp  would  mind  if 
an  angel,  a  real  angel,  were  to  kiss  me,  nor  I  either,  for  that  matter;  but  I 
want  to  know  for  certain  what  it  was,  that's  what  I  do,  and  I  will. 

MEDIUM.  I  have  never  known  so  perfect  a  manifestation,  and  under  cir- 
cumstances that  preclude  the  possibility  of  delusion.  The  string  is  perfect, 
and  yet  in  every  button-hole.  There  is  no  one  in  the  room  but  those  at 
the  table.  And  no  one  at  the  table  that  could  reach  you  without  breaking 
the  string  but  Mr.  Foozle,  and  he  is  not  so  gay  as  that.  Mr.  Foozle!  if  you 
did  that,  tell  Mrs.  Sharp  at  once.  Don't  leave  her  under  any  false  impres- 
sion! 

FOOZLE.  I  protest!  Why  leok  at  this  stiingl  How  could  I  ?  Besides  I 
felt  it  myself,  the  same  curls  as  before.  The  same  face  breathing  in  mine, 
almost  kissing  me! 

MRS.  FOOZLE.  (Aside.)  I  should  really  think  it  was  one  of  Foozle's 
tricks,  but  the  string;  and  then  it  kissed  me  too,  almost, 

ALL  BUT  LUCY.  And  me!  And  me!  And  me! 

OBTUSE,  Wonderful!  Wonderful  phenomenon!  Mrs,  Sharp!  you  must 
give  up,  you  must  indeed.  Kisses  all  around!  No  selection!  It  must  have 
been  an  angel!  Only  an  angel  could  be  so  desultory,  embracing  all  the  cir- 
cle, especially  the  ladies,  in  its  boundless  love.  I  am  conquered!  I  am 


13 

laid  supine  by  such  matchless  demonstration!  Oh  for  the  pen  of  Doctor 
Adam  Clarke,  to  comment  on  this  scene. 

MRS.  SHAKP.  Well,  you  can  all  give  up  if  you  will,  but  I  don't  yet,  I 
don't  yet!  If  angels  kiss  me  I  should  be  delighted  to  know  it,  and  the  com- 
pany will  excuse  one  more  experiment.  If  there  is  any  trick  here,  yon 
have  relied  on  me  to  find  :t  out.  and  I  would  be  a  pretty  simpleton  to  leave 
my  work  half  done.  (Aside)  I  have  some  misgiving  of  Mr.  Dapper. 
(Aloud.)  Let  me  arrange  things,  and  the  circle  go  on  once  more! 

MEDIUM,  Do  as  you  please.  Arrange  the  circle  as  you  will.  The  influ- 
ence is  really  delightful,  and  far  too  strong  to  be  broken  away.  I  have 
never  been  so  completely  endorsed  by  the  spirit  hosts.  Yen  may  do  any- 
thing I  feel  that  the  spirits  will  bear  me  up.  Come  friends,  let  us  sit 
again! 

(They  sit .  Mrs.  Sharp,  aided  by  Obtuse,  in  his  clumsy  way,  takes  a  ham- 
mer and  tacks,  and  nails  the  heels  of  Dapper  's  trowsers  to  the  floor.  Obtuse 
takes  his  seat,  and  Mrs.  Sharp  arranges  the  string.  Mrs.  Foozle  turns 
down  the  lamp.  They  sit  in  silence.  Dapper  opens  his  button-hole,  as 
before,  unfastens  and  lets  down  his  overalls,  and  leaves  them  on  the  floor 
nailed.  Goes  rouud  the  circle  again  with  the  curls  on,  touches  Obtuse  on 
the  face,  kisses  the  medium,  touches  Foozle,  kisses  Mrs.  Foozle  softly,  and 
Lucy  con  amore;  resumes  his  seat,  pulls  up  the  pants,  adjusts  the  string; 
and  then  reaches  Mrs.  Sharp,  as  before,  holding  the  curls  in  his  hand,  and 
touching  her  forehead  with  tliem.  At  last  he  presses  her  mouth;  she 
jumps  and  looks  round  as  before,  and  on  finding  the  pants  and  nails  and 
string  all  right,  signifies  her  utter  discomfiture.  They  all  come  and  look 
at  Dapper  nailed  down,  and  Foozle  succeeds  in  drawing  the  nails.) 

MEDIUM,  That  will  do  for  to  night.  Oh,  I  am  quite  exhausted !  But  for 
the  spirits  I  should  give  up.  But  they  are  all  around,  helping,  ministering, 
The  mediums  are  precious  to  them !  The  blessed  means  of  reaching  their 
earth-friends.  I  rise  now  for  one  of  them  to  smooth  that  cushion,  and  see 
how  it  falls  just  where  I  want  it!  Oh  the  attentive  creatures! 

(She  rises  from  the  chair,  and  a  cushion  from  one  side  falls  into  the  cen- 
tre. She  sits  down  on  it.) 

OBTUSE.  This  night  will  be  memorable  forever !  We  have  done  our 
whole  duty,  Mrs.  Sharp  We  have  made  a  thorough  test.  That  is  why  our 
friends  selected  us, — a  good  selection!  Darwin  couldn't  deny  it?  Clarke 
could  make  no  comment  on  that !  A  good  selection  !  Madame  F.  F.  A. 
Smith,  I  congratulate  you !  Foozle,  my,  boy,  all  that  she  1jpld  you,  is  true 
It  remains  only  to  bring  the  great  work  to  perfection. 

MRS.  SHARP.  I  am  confounded  !  I  ask  the  angel's  pardon,  and  the  medi- 
um's pardon,  and  everybody's  pardon.  I  am  ready  to  obey  the  angels! 

FOOZLE.  I  am  proud  of  this  honor.  I  am  assured  of  still  greater  privi- 
leges. I  care  not  a  fig  for  the  opinions  of  men.  I  look  to  the  spheres  only 
for  wisdom  !  Darwin  is  well  enough,  but  angels  are  better.  We  want  noth- 
ing now,  but  further  development.  When  will  Madame  vouchsafe  to  sit  with 
us  again  for  our  further  advancement. 

(Dapper,  who  talks  with  Lucy  every  chance,  now  confers  with  the  me- 
dium, privately,  a  moment.) 

MEDIUM.    It  is  time  to  retire.    To-morrow  night,  if  it  suits  you  to  meet  at 


U 

Mr.  Dapper's  room  at  7  o'clock,  I  shall  be  glad  to  meet  the  same  circle  for 
development.  It  is  in  a  business  part  of  the  town,  perfectly  quiet  after 
hours ;  and  it  being  there  where  Mr.  Dapper  feit  his  first  influence,  and  I 
found  my  best  negative,  I  feel  the  greatest  power  there.  All  such  things 
are  influences  for  good.  Let  us  have  just  the  same  circle,  it  is  so  complete, 
and  the  spirits  recognize  us  at  once.  Mr.  Obtuse  !  May  I  not  say  brother 
Obtuse,  Since  you  are  at  last  convinced,  I  shall  be  glad  to  help  your  pro- 
gress !  Mr.  Foozle !  every  promise  shall  be  made  good  to  the  letter !  Mrs. 
Sharp!  lam  proud  of  you!  You  have  conquered  bravely!  The  angels 
kiss  only  where  they  love  !  Mrs.  Foozle  !  You  motherly  creature  you,  you 
were  not  neglected  !  Those  soft  touches  must  have  been  delightful !  Nec- 
tar, as  it  were,  from  celestial  lips  !  And  Lucy !  I  must  really  kiss  you,  nay, 
one  will  not  do;  like  the  spirits,  I  must  feast  here !  I  do  it  for  them.  They 
influence  me  even  now.  Come,  Dapper  !  I  could  put  you  under  influence 
and  make  you  carry  me  home,  but  it  would  look  so  odd  in  the  street!  And 
the  angels  will  do  tnat  unseen !  Adieu !  Adieu !  till  we  meet  again. 

Exit  M.  and  D 

ALL.    (Shaking  hands  in  a  circle.)    What  a  wonderful  woman ! 
OBTUSB.    Sister    Sharp!     I,  go  your  way  home.    Accept    my   escort! 
Foozle  !  Adieu !    Mrs.  Foozle  !    I  kiss  your  hands  !    Lncy,  you're  a  splen- 
did selection  !    If  Darwin  wanted  to  make  another  step  in  advance,  you 
would  be  his  first  choice  !    An  eminent  selection  !    Goodnight!  Exit. 

MRS.  SHAKP.  Oh,  I'm  done  for  !  I  give  it  up  !  To  be  kissed  by  angels 
is  more  than  I  expected !  1  can  never  doubt  again,  never !  Good  night  I 

Exit. 

FOOZLE.  Our  fortunes  are  made  !  We  are  exalted  by  this  night's  work. 
A  miracle !  A  miracle,  to  convince  the  whole  circle  !  Amazing  woman  j 
Wife,  what  do  you  think  of  it  ?  Lucy,  how  do  you  like  it  ?  Speak  out,  both 
of  you !  None  of  your  common  sense  !  None  of  your  reserve  !  In 
the  spirit-world  there  is  freedom  !  Everybody  says  just  what  they  think  ! 
Were  you  influenced?  How  did  you  feel? 

MRS.  FOOZLE.  I  didn't  feel  anything  very  grand.  Just  a  pretend  kiss  each 
time.  But  I  felt  the  curls,  a  lady's  curls  over  my  face.  I  thought  it  was 
you,  Foozle,  that  kissed  Mrs.  Sharp  ;  but  she  made  so  much  fuss  about  it, 
and  made  such  cute  plans  to  find  it  out,  I  suppose  it  must  have  been  the 
spirits,  or  she  would  have  caught  them.  We  did  well  to  have  her  here- 
Had  there  been  any  trick  she  would  have  found  it  out,  sure !  Lucy,  my 
child,  what  do  you  think  of  it  ? 

LUCY.  I  don't  know  !  It  was  very  funny  !  I  did  not  feel  the  curls  ;  but 
the  angels  seized  my  face,  and  gave  me  several  solid  hard  kisses  each  time. 
I  should  not  have  thought  it  was  an  angel,  if  you  had  not  all  said  so.  I  felt 
the  hands,  5nd  feel  the  impression  yet. 

FOOZLE.  All  right !  We  are  happily  of  one  mind  !  We  shall  henceforth 
be  the  companions  of  angels !  Good  night,  Luce  ?  (Kissing  her.)  Good 
night !  Exit  all. 


ACT  II.    SCENE  II. 

Mr.  Dapper's  room,  rather  smatt,  with  table,  chairs,  lamp,  &c.  Mr. 
Dapper  waiting  for  his  company. 

DAPPEB.  "  Now  is  the  winter  of  our  discontent,  made  glorious  Summer, 
&c.,  <fcc."  Ah,  glorious,  glorious  summer!  Lucy  Foozle  is  mine!  She  is 
pretty,  mild  and  easy-tempered,  and  will  make  a  good  wife,  and  her  fortune 
will  be  some  to  splurge  on.  Andmy  device  will  win  her  all  to  nothing.  Didn't 
I  do  it  well  ?  Madame  herself  was  surprised.  But  to-night  I  shall  out-do 
myself.  "  Plots  have  I  laid,  inductions  dangerous."  Oh,  ye  gods!  or 
spirits  all  at  once,  the  hugeness  of  this  joke,  shall  pale  all  other  spirit- 
performances.  Let  me  see.  All  my  plans  are  laid;  they  cannot  fail.  The 
laughing  gas  is  half  enough  to  fill  this  room.  They  sit  at  the  table.  I  let 
on  the  gas,  and  soon  there  will  be  the  devil  to  pay.  Occasionally  I  take  a 
breath  of  fresh  air  from  this  pipe  to  keep  me  all  right.  The  rest  lose  their 
balance.  Who  knows  what  they  may  do!  Or  who  cares,  if  I  only  get  my 
darling  Lucy  under  such  an  influence  that  she  will  go  with  me  below,  and 
say  that  little  word  yes  !  This  comes  of  a  medical  student  being  your 
friend.  Tom  makes  the  gas,  drives  it  up  here,  and  the  effect  is  an  influence 
never  before  felt  in  a  spirit-circle.  It  will  confirm  them  all  forever.  And 
Madame  !  What  will  she  think  of  it?  Caught  in  her  own  trap,  as  it  were. 
She  will  not  have  to  affect  this  time  !  This  will  be  a  real  influence;  and  she 
may  begin  to  believe  her  own  yarns.  This  is  the  best  thing  out !  Clarke, 
Darwin  and  Hippocrates  combined  couldn't  spell  this  out.  What  a  selection ! 
This  laughing  gas,  eh  !  I  am  ready  to  burst  with  curiosity.  But  soft  and 
demure.  Here  they  come.  (Enter  the  company  complete.  They  all 
shake  bands,  &c.,  and  are  soon  seated.) 

FOOZLE.  A  nice  box!  A  nice  box,  this  room  of  yours,  Dapper,  a  very 
nice  box!  Law  office,  eh !  Uncommon  nice  business!  Good  selection*! 
Devilish  good  selection !  My  friend  Obtuse,  don't  you  say  so  ? 

OBTUSE.  I  have  ever  held  the  legal  craft  in  great  abhorrence;  but  how- 
ever much  they  plague  others,  I  notice  they  take  great  comfort  to  them- 
selves. I  think  Darwin  would  not  call  it  a  bad  selection  for  a  young  man. 
However  much  a  man  is  in  practice  he  need  not  rob  himself.  Lawyers  can 
select  sa  well  as  others.  I  think  Darwin  says  as  much. 

DAPPER.  You  are  welcome,  all,  to  my  humble  chamber,  each  and  all. 
I  will  not  particularize.  I  may  select  Miss  Lucy  for  more  special  compli- 
ment. She  is  looking  uncommon  well,  quite  spirituelle,  I  declare.  (Seating 
himself  beside  her.) 

MEDIUM.  The  spirit-influence  has  brought  about  one  more  re-union, 
and  I  feel  the  effluvia  going  out  from  me,  as  it  were,  to  each  and  all  of  you. 
Dapper,  come  here  !  Kneel  down  !  There  now !  That  will  do.  (Makes 
passes  over  him,  and  he  pretends  to  sleep)  Is  there  any  spirit  present! 
(A  loud  knock,  all  start)  Ah,  I  know  there  is  a  glorious  great-hearted 
spirit,  not  of  one  who  is  dead,  but  of  a  grand  medium,  whose  body  now 
lays  entranced,  while  the  spirit  seeks  our  circle.  (Seeming  to  speak  to  the 
spirit.)  Purest  emanation  of  the  Psychic  being !  have  your  own  way.  Dap- 
per will  do  whatever  you  desire.  Dapper !  I  command  you  to  obey  the  spirit. 
(Dapper  goes  round  the  circle,  seeming  entranced,  doing  just  as  he  did  at 


16 

the  dark  seance,  omitting  the  medium.)  She  fans  the  air  with  both  hands 
all  the  while.  The  company  watches  him  in  amazement.  Lucy  shrinks 
and  hesitates.)  Kesist  not,  dear  young  lady,  it  is  the  sipirt's  will. 

OBTUSE.  The  disembodied  spirit  did  precisely  thus,  last  night,  as  it  ap- 
pears to  me. 

ALL  BUT  MEDIUM.    And  me !  And ! 

OBTUSE.  This  is  confirmation  strong  as  holy  writ.  What  would  I  give 
to  have  Clarke  comment  on  this  passage  ! 

MEDIUM.  I  feel  the  angels  coming.  I  am  impressed  that  we  shall  have  a 
great  triumph  to-night.  Let  us  form  the  circle,  that  we  may  catch  the  first 
essence  that  flows  hitherward.  (They  sit  round  the  table  in  the  usual  order.) 
Lower  the  light  just  a  little  !  We  have  no  further  need  of  total  darkness. 
"We  have  had  every  test  we  need;  and  only  sit  now  for  influence,  develop- 
ment, and  knowledge.  Be  still. 

(They  sit  in  silence.  Dapper  pulls  out  a  knob  behind  him  to  let  in  the  sup- 
posed laughing  gas.  They  begin  to  feel  it,  and  breathe  eagerly,  as  in 
laughing  gas.  Dapper  now  and  then  turns  to  a  hole  in  the  wall,  as  if  for 
fresh  air.  They  begin  to  feel  the  influence.  Foozle  inclines  to  be  jolly. 
Obtuse  squares  off  at  Mrs.  Sharp,  exclaiming,  "  A  splendid  selection!  Come 
on,  madame"  !  Mrs.  Foozle  starts  to  sing  a  love  song.  Lucy  clings  to 
Dapper,  frightened  out  of  her  senses.) 

MEDIUM.  (Feeling  her  face  with  both  hands  and  looking  at  them, 
seemingly  horror  stricken.)  What  is  this  !  Do  my  senses  leave  me  ?  Is  there 
then  reality  in  this  thing!  Do  spirits  really  come?  Oh,  heaven  assist  me! 
What  do  I  behold!  What  is  it  that  I  feel  ?  There  is  no  pretense  in  this,  any 
how!  Oh,  horror!  what  will  become  of  me  ?  Have  I  mocked  God  and  Nature 
till  they  have  sent  some  devil  to  torment  me  thus?  Speak  to  me!  Some 
one  speak  to  me  !  or  I  shall  die  !  (Looks  wildly  round,  having  lost  all 
self-control.  Dapper  carries  Lucy  off,  clinging  to  him,  her  face  to  his. 
Obtuse,  aiming  to  kiss  Mrs.  Sharp,  falls  over  the  table,  and  throws  it 
down.  He  rolls  about  till  he  reaches  the  medium,  whom  he  hugs  with 
all  his  might.  Foozle  gets  still  more  jolly,  exclaiming,  "  Common 
sense !  Common  sense  be  fiddle  !  Common  sense  is  a  fool  to  this  !  This 
is  something  ethereal,  empirical,  the  summerland.  Oh,  I  can  fly  !  I  can 
fly!  (He  imitates  wings,  and  tries  to  fly.  While  Mrs.  Foozle  sings  Mrs. 
Sharp  acts  as  her  lady's  maid,  and  makes  a  fright  of  her.) 
'  Any  other  sport,  &c.,  &c.,  the  result  of  laughing  gas. 

(As  Dapper  went  out  he  put  back  the  stopper;  so  they  now  begin  to 
recover.  As  they  come  to  their  senses,  Obtuse  has  the  medium  on  his  knee 
in  her  chair.  Mrs.  Foozle  has  been  made  into  a  fright  by  Mrs.  Sharp. 
Foozle  has  jumped  on  the  top  of  the  table ,  They  look  at  each  other  in 
amazement.) 

FOOZLE.  Ho,  Ho!  what's  this?  Obtuse,  my  boy,  what  are  you  doing 
there?  Mrs.  Sharp,  get  out!  What  are  you  doing  to  Mrs.  Foozle?  and  where 
am  I ?  What 's  the  matter  with  me  ?  How  did  I  come  here?  Tell  me  some  of 
you,  how  did  1  come  here? 

(They  all  stare  at  each  other  and  recover  their  senses.) 

OBTUSE.  (In  the  rocking-chair  with  the  medium  on  his  lap.)  What 
an  influence!  (Looking  at  the  medium.)  What  a  selection  !  What  would 


17 

Darwin  say?  Good  heavens,  madam,  what  have  you  done  to  us?  I  have 
been,  like  Swedenborg,  to  the  seventh  heaven!  You  are  a  pure  celestial! 
and  my  affinity!  I  worship  you  (clinging  to  her.) 

MEDIUM.  Oh,  get  out !  Where  am  I  ?  Where's  Dapper?  This  is  more 
than  I  bargained  for !  Humbug,  indeed !  I  always  thought  it  so  till  now  » 
Some  devilish  spirit  has  appeared  at  last!  Where's  Dapper?  [Runs  oft'.] 

Enter  Dapper  and  Lucy,  as  married.  They  come  before  Foozle,  still 
on  the  table,  pe trifled. 

DAPPER.  Mr.  Foozle!  my  wife!  Extraordinary  influence !  married  by 
the  angels  !  Their  own  selection !  Couldn't  help  it !  Divine  thrusting  on, 
and  so  forth!  Been  to  heaven  or  something  like  it !  Saw  you  there !  Gave 
your  consent!  All  right!  But  what  do  I  see  here  ?  (Looking  round.) 

LUCY.  Yes,  pa;  Mr.  Dapper,  that  is  my  husband,  speaks  truly.  There 
came  an  influence.  I  know  not  what,  and  under  it  I  was  carried,  as  if  by  angels, 
and  married,  as  you  see.  I  am  bewildered  !  What  has  happened  ?  Dear 
mother!  what  has  happened?  (Looking  at  her  mother.) 

FOOZLE.  Remarkable  influence!  Grand  manifestation  !  I  have  been  in 
heaven,  certainly!  1  had  a  sensation  of  flying,  and  here  1  am,  just  lit  on 
the  top  of  the  table  !  It  must  be  so  !  Bless  you!  my  children,  Married  by  the 
angels  !  Divine  selection !  Curtain  falls. 


